Ways to be Brave

I cannot come up with a great blog post today so I will share this one from way back when.  Brave is a lonely game.


 I  spent three hours sitting on the bleachers the other night watching my daughter play two basket ball games. I am a quiet person and  that group of spectators held no close friends. So I watched the games and also people watched. My monkey mind went into over drive.

"Look at all of the grandparents here. I wonder what that would be like," I thought and the big heavy ache of having no living parents arrived in my solar plexus. I squeezed my eyes to push down the tears and tried to bring my focus back to my beautiful daughter giving her all on the court.

I heard laughing and talking among the spectators and my monkey mind headed into a train wreck of feelings and thoughts of being alone, wishing there was somebody with me, missing my parents and feeling like I didn't belong. For three hours I went back and forth from the monkey mind to my daughter. It was exhausting.

We arrived home to a messy kitchen and two teenagers sprawled watching TV. Immediately I wanted to scream about the mess and homework and TV rules.

But I didn't.

My quest to be brave in 2014 includes being braver in dealing with my emotions. Yelling about the mess wouldn't be about the mess. It would be a clever way of numbing the real angst I felt inside. Those three hours of monkey mind gymnastics left me raw. I made tea and decided to sit and breathe and mostly just give myself some space to honor that big heavy ache.

Thank God I did. As I made my tea, I realized that the mess included dinner for my daughter and I. Spaghetti and meatballs, salad and rolls were prepared by my youngest. I expressed my gratitude and sat down with my tea.

 My eldest walked by and said,"You look kinda depressed."

I looked up and realized all sets of blues were on me. I could have said, "I am fine hon."

But I didn't. I chose brave instead. I told them how I felt at the games and that I was still a little sad.

From there a conversation began about times each of us have felt that totally crappy feeling of 'aloneness' and 'not belonging'.  The big heavy ache dissipated. A memorable family conversation about universal feelings was shared.  The homework got done and the house got picked up. I felt brave.

Blessings,
Virginia

We Widen the Gap to Remember.

We widen the gap to remember our essence is peace and love. Let's all spend time in that gap.

Thanks for watching.

Thanks for infusing your love into this world.


Blessings,
Virginia

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An Easy Way To Feel Good

I have read copious amounts of books and articles from the world's greatest teachers about the importance of feeling good. I am a natural Pollyanna. I have a knack for turning lemons into lemonade.

I spend many billable hours encouraging women to find creative ways to feel good inside regardless of what is going on in the outside world. Naturally one would think I had the feeling good way of life down pat.

Well I don't.

Life has her way of turning events and throwing us all curveballs. I am no exception to the rule.

This one curve ball had me REALLY sad. Being kind to myself helped. Dancing around the kitchen helped. Praying helped. Getting in nature helped. Exercising, eating well and getting more sleep helped. However, I still couldn't totally shake it. I felt like I was in a dark cloud and my heart was heavy.

Finally I decided to change my quest to feel good into something totally different. Instead of feeling good I decided to DO good. I made it my daily goal to do a good deed for someone else.

And as life would have it, DOING good lead to FEELING good.

Next time life throws you a curve ball,  treat yourself with tender care.  Then do something good for someone else.

You'll be the happier for it. I promise.
Blessings,
Virginia

Five Ways To Get Back On Track With Your Goal

 I decided I wanted to be stronger. So I added some more to my weight training and put some more umph in to my runs.

I was feeling good. I was on track.

One day while doing burpees my shoulder gave out.

I injured this shoulder years back raking the roof. It was a painful injury that took months to heal.

I freaked out. I thought of every worst scenario possible. I told myself I was too old to get stronger. I told myself I had another six month healing time. I told myself I should not have even bothered.

I told myself what we all tell ourselves when a goal gets siderailed: I told myself it was time to quit.

Then I laughed at myself.

I got the ice and the advil.

I babied myself a bit.  I iced my shoulder with an episode of Gilmore Girls.

Then I rewired my brain.

This is just a twist in the road. I can still achieve my goal.

 I found other ways to meet my goal of being stronger. I kept running. I worked my lower body. I started some balancing exercises.

Reaching a goal is never linear. Curve balls happen.

When the curve ball comes..

1. Let's laugh at our crazy thoughts. Especially the one that says quit

2. Let's simply do the most logical next step.

3. Let's love ourselves.

4. Let's change our minds.

5. Let's find more creative ways to move towards our goal.

Happy to say my shoulder is fine.  I am however doing a lighter version of a burpee.

Blessings,
Virginia

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Tuesday's Tips : Change a word. Change your life

It takes quite a bit of effort to keep a home running smoothly. Add kids, work, exercise, relationships, sleep, emotional and spiritual well being and you've got quite a list of things to do each and every day.

It can get overwhelming when you start planning all of the things you have to do.

The thing is though, there really isn't any thing you have to do.

That is right.

You don't have to do anything.

Saying you have to do something is both false and negative. It implies that you have no choice and that you are being forced beyond your will.

You always have a choice to do something or not. In each moment you choose. I didn't force you to read this but I am certainly glad you did. Thank you

You could change all of your ' I have to 's' to 'I choose to' so you can be in the driver seat of your own life.

I encourage you to go even further and change your have to to get to.

Get is so much more positive and it invokes gratitude.

I get to work makes what I do to earn a living an honor and a privilege.
I get to pick my kids up after school makes me thankful for them and for my car.
Even getting to wash the dishes can even be filled with gratitude.

Next time you start telling yourself all of the things you have to do STOP and begin again. You get to do all of those things and you get to choose which ones.

I got to exercise today and I chose this.

Blessings,
Virginia

Friday's Feng Shui Is Back

I teach courses on Feng Shui and I also incorporate it in my coaching practice. It is a wonderful tool in creating a more tranquil life.

This is the ninth and final Bagua Map lesson. The bagua map shows you where the nine areas of your life (guas) are located within your home. In each lesson I give you tips on how to enhance one of your guas. This lesson explores the Love and Marriage gua which is located in the farthest right corner of your home.

Love/Marriage is a no brainer as defined by the general population. Yet I invite you to explore it further than Hallmark. Love for yourself sustains you way more than heart shaped boxes and diamonds.

A deep love for yourself means you stop beating yourself up. You celebrate your successes, even the small ones. You honor your voice and your unique way of seeing and being in the world. Most importantly you treat yourself as love itself because,

You Are Love

When enhancing this area try this:

* Always start with an intention. I like this simple prayer, " Dear God show me how to love myself more so I can show up to life as love"

* Keep it clean and get rid of the clutter.

* Pinks and reds are great colors for this area

* Make sure the decor is  in pairs.

This area is outside of my home. I marked the corner by burying a rose quartz. In that area is our fire pit.

Because it is outside, I enhanced the wall adjacent to the area by painting it pink and hanging this picture.

Remember Feng Shui is pronounced FUN Shway. Have fun making your home a mirror to your wonderful life.
With Love,
Virginia

Tuesday's Tips

Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week
                                                                  Spanish Proverb


One hour ago I sat down to write this blog on procrastination.
I decided to have a snack first.
Then the dog needed to go out.
Then the  dog needed me to play a few rounds of catch.
Then the laundry needed to be folded.
Then the dishes needed to be put away.
Then I noticed the pile of mail to go out.
Then I thought of chopping some ice.
Then I laughed and came back to my office and just began.

We all procrastinate, oftentimes unconsciously.  Here are a few of my own strategies to keep that pesky procrastination at bay.

1.Recognize it. Be nice to yourself. Start again.
      I am aware that I tend to procrastinate, so I try to recognize it. It takes some detective work. All of those things I did instead of starting this blog were things that had to be done.Procrastination can look like work. It just isn't the work you intended to do.
When I see myself procrastinating, I laugh it off and start again. I don't beat myself up over it.

2. Start small.
       When I went back to my office, I told myself I was going to organize my notes I wrote yesterday in preparation for the blog. I am pretty sure that had I started with the intention of reviewing my notes, the desire to have a snack would never have occurred to me.

3. Set a timer. Reward yourself.
           A few years back, I took a few online graduate courses. I hadn't taken a graduate course in 15 years and I struggled with the APA formatting. That struggle lead to some serious procrastination.   To conquer the procrastination, I set a timer for 30 minutes and gave all of my attention to my coursework. When the timer went off I would reward myself. Then I would go back and do it all over again.

4. Let go of the outcome.
           Most procrastination is about perfectionism. No matter how many articles, blog posts, or courses I have written, the gremlin still invades. The gremlin is that voice in my head proclaiming, "That is horrible writing."
" Everybody will hate it."
 "This really sucks."
 In response to the gremlin, I remind myself that perfection is unattainable and what others think is none of my business.

5. Set a specific schedule.
            I  love to exercise. I just don't like to start. Thus, I made the habit to exercise every morning after my children get on the bus. It is nonegotiable and has made the starting so much easier.

6. Change your scenery.
 I like to go to the public library to get serious writing done. At the library there are no dishes, no laundry and no dog to distract me. Also sometimes a change of scenery means to get outside for fresh air. Of course, you have to come back. Use a timer.

Good luck and here's to making tomorrow the least busiest day of the week.

Blessings,
Virginia

Loving What Is

I am hanging out with a virus. Fever, chills, aches, congestion and a cough have visited. At the first sign I gave a great big F you and carried on with my activities. At the second sign, I took a couple of advil, upped my vitamin C and carried on.  Finally there was no more denying it but I still cursed, worried about my to do list, and fought.

As Katie Byron says, " You can argue with what is. You will be wrong 100% of the time but you can still argue."

Somewhere in the midst of a feverish night, I just stopped fighting it. I relaxed in the pain of it all.

I remembered being a little girl with horrible headaches. I used to look at my headaches  from afar, and I would color those headaches in my favorite colors of pinks and yellows. Sleep always came.

I brought that smart little girl back into this fifty year old woman's mind and  colored my aches, my congestion and my cough. Sleep came.

Today I made all of the phone calls necessary to relieve me of anything other than rest for a (gulp) COUPLE of days.

The world didn't end.

I am feeling a tad better.

I am going to go back to bed.

Guessing tomorrow will look a bit like this:

I won't fight that either.

My kids can shovel the driveway.

Loving what is.

Blessings,
Virginia

Mondays Course of Miracles

Let me recognize my problems have been solved. ACIM

I love todays lesson. It reminds me of the countless times a solution to my perceived problems arrived once I stopped fretting over them. It is a lesson I seem to have to learn and relearn time and again. Nothing useful ever comes from a place of worry and angst. Creative solutions and ideas are born from a place of peace and joy.


Blessings,
Virginia

Monday's Course of Miracles

Forgiveness is the only gift I give, because it is the only gift I want. And everything I give I give myself. ACIM

Forgive yourself for everything you perceived as wrong, bad or not enough.  It is all perfect. Let it go just like the trees are letting go of their leaves. Letting go in forgiveness equals beauty.

Where Did the Time Go?

In the wee hours of the night I hear this, "Mom I think I am going to throw up."

I leap out of bed and head into the bathroom knowing exactly which child is in distress. His throw up voice is distinct and full of fear. He has always hated the throw up bug. Nobody likes it, but this child of mine has a deep aversion to vomit.

In my semi sleep state I enter the bathroom and all I feel is shock. My distressed child is six feet tall and 180 pounds. I know this. I see him everyday. Yet, shock waves run through me.

I comfort and do what I know this child needs when the throw up bug visits. Yet he is so big and I am so small in comparison.

It all works and I send him into bed with a bucket by his side and do all of the mommy love things.

I go back to bed and think, remember and never go back to sleep.

Where did the time go?

I remember Barney, the dinosaurs, the trucks, and Star Wars.

I think of the hard work he took on to be a better athlete all on his own.

I wonder if I did enough.

I try to imagine a day without hugging him. And I cry a bit.

I vow to hug him even more.

Next  year he will be in college.

Where did the time go?

A Course of Miracles

As I have mentioned before, each morning I read, meditate and write using the Course of Miracles as my guide.

Today's lesson:

A happy outcome to all things is sure. ACIM

What a comforting truth.

A Bittersweet Ache

It happens every year and every year it catches me off guard.  The feeling of excitement touched with grief grabs hold of my heart each and every year on the first day of school. On the first day of school my children age. Today is the day that I see them at the ages they are, not ever on their birthdays. Today I see an 18 year old senior in high school , an almost 16 year old sophomore and an almost 13 year old 8th grader. My heart cracks a little as I see their wings getting stronger and stronger. I pray I have given them enough love to sustain them and keep them strong when the winds of life blow fierce. I want to both set them off and bring them back in.

                   It is the same as I felt on this day. The very first time they all went to school:

                                                             Love doesn't ever age

The Best Teachers

The best teachers are the ones we are trying to teach. I  learned that lesson in my 18 years of motherhood. Now I am learning it again in training this adorable guy, Jackson.

Lately Jackson has been teaching me about the importance of treats. With the promise of a treat, Jackson has learned to sit, lie down, roll over, and stay. Today, with treats in my fanny pack, my adorable pup ran two miles with me.  Treats and praise was all it took.

After my run, I started thinking about carrying my own fanny pack filled with Virginia treats and self praise as a way to accomplish new things. Here is what I am packing.

    *Lots of positive self talk and reminders that I am loved.
    *Gentle words when I mess up.
    *Doing things I love which I  call Virginia treats. They are Virginia treats because they are things I love to do.
                  -Cutting flowers from my garden and creating beautiful bouquets.
                  - Cleaning out a  shelf in a closet,
                   - Putting on a favorite song and dancing around the kitchen.
                    -  Pulling weeds from the garden.
                    -Framing pictures
                   - Taking time to create a delicious lunch.

What treats are you willing to pack as you accomplish new things?

Blessings,
Virginia

                  

Still Summer

When the tiger lilies produce their last blooms.

And when the black eyed susans make their first appearance.

The stores start to advertise notebooks and colored pencils

And I shake my head.

I will not say good bye to summer.

I will not get into a frenzy making sure each child has all they need for the 'first day of school'.

There is still summer to be enjoyed.

Unlike the early blooming flowers, the ones starting to show their faces now stay smiling most of August, and some right into September.

They remind me to slow down and enjoy. Summers and gardens go by quickly. Stores are open all year long.

Blessings,
Virginia

Jackson

              There is no psychiatrist in the world like a dog licking your face.   Ben Williams

We were blessed this summer with a puppy, Jackson. As crazy as our new addition has made our lives. The love he gives so freely makes up for it all.

10 Rules of Perfect Mothers

1. Perfect mothers have an entire reportoire of effective escape routes. Regardless if she is parenting infants toddlers, school aged children or teenagers, a perfect mother creatively escapes on a daily basis. You must take care of yourself!

2. Perfect mothers don't devour every parenting book, becasue they trust their innate ability to be the expert for their own children. When the perfect mother is looking for advice, she naturally finds resources that are in sync with her uniquely beautiful parenting style.

3. Perfect mothers neither judge or compare themselves to other mothers. The perfect mother encourages and supports other mothers with compliments, knowing smiles and practical help.

4. Perfect mothers remind themselves of their own fabulous motehring in affirmations, great mommy-moments journals, and by celebrating with other great moms the things they do well.

5. Perfect mothers say no to anything and everything that doesn't inspire them. Perfect mothers have children who sometimes compete in sports with no parental cheering section. The perfect mother knows that  her not being there develops her child's internal cheering section. Perfect mothers have said " no" so many times to volunteer activities, she is no longer hounded. The perfect mother volunteers in accordance to her passions, not her guilt.

6. Perfect mothers spend more time doing things with their children and less time doing things for their children. Children of perfect mothers sometimes have to live with the consequences of forgetting their instrument, homework or permission slip. It usually only happens once. Perfect mothers have more time to play with their children because household chores are shared.

7. Perfect mothers have passions and hobbies and a wealth of intelligence that grows as they mother. At times perfect mothers put their passions before the desires of their children.

8. Perfect mothers have no guilt or shame in admitting to themselves and others that sometimes mothering is neither fun or rewarding, and sometimes they would love to run away.

9. Even so, perfect mothers look directly intp their chidlren's eyes  and smile many times a day.

10. Perfect motehrs are all of us: on our perfect snapshot days, our nerve-shot days and all of the days in the middle.

Blessings,
Virginia

Perfect Mothers

What is your idea of a perfect mother?

Is it the impeccably dressed, cookie baking PTA mom? Is it the thriving six figure career momma? Is it the mom with the bleary eyes carrying an infant while dealing with her toddler's tantrum in the cereal aisle? Or could it be the mom who leaves  the dishes piled, the laundry unfolded and the kids in their pyjamas and calls the sitter for the much needed break?

 Is it one or all of the above?

There is a slew of articles, books and motivational speeches about moms taking good care of themselves and letting go of the idea of perfection. Yet the media still sets the rules of a good mother at oppressive and unattainable heights. We are constantly bombarded with with the one perfect snapshot of motherhood. Believing these snapshots are actually real, moms hide behind the mask of perfection.

Raising children is messy business.

However perfect mothers do exist.

Tomorrow I'll share my ten rules of perfect moms.

Blessings,
Virginia

Need some help seeing your own perfection. I would love to help. virginiamccormack05@gmail.com

Random Acts of Kindness

I love doing random acts of kindness.  In fact, I do two each day.

Everyday I do something kind for myself and something kind for someone else. Yes. I start with a kind gesture to myself before anyone else. I am  a single parent and CEO of the best business in the world, my family.  Being extra kind to myself is of paramount importance.
It is not a daily grand gesture, rather it is small stuff.
 *Smiling at myself everytime I pass a mirror and doing what Louise Hay encourages and saying, "I love you" to my reflection.
*  Not judging myself  so harshly when I make a mistake.
* Paying attention to my monkey mind and changing negative self talk to positive. "You rock Virginia" is one of my favorites.
* Lingering over my morning coffee
*Reading in bed with tea.
* Making my daily exercise an event instead of something to get over quickly.
* Wearing that special outfit I was saving for a special occasion.
* Making my favorite dinner even if it means the kids will eat cereal.

Being kind to yourself can be a way of living and it makes life so much sweeter.

Now go look in the mirror and smile.

Blessings,
Virginia

Sacred Sundays

Sundays used to be about going to Mass.

Now I create my own Sacred.

Three kids and a Mom sitting on a couch chatting.

Baking goodies.

Enjoying a footrub from my daughter.

A phone call from my brother.

Tea with my daughter.

Watching my sons play lacrosee.

Making soup.

Making bread.

Saying Thank you.

Blessed.