If You are Bored, You are Boring

Years back my children had the best pediatrician ever!

This doctor actually came to my house to check in when Alex had strep throat, Elise had scarlet fever and pneumonia, Sean had RSV and I had a UTI. He was a caring, wise, and generous doctor.

He always marveled at how my little ones entertained themselves during long doctor's visits.

I remember his words, "If you are bored, you are boring. Virginia, your kids will never be boring."

Thus whenever a child of mine says they are bored I celebrate. I do not intervene. (I do want to fix it ,of course, but I try my best to hold back).

Being bored has created squabbles, headaches and guilt.

Yet, being bored has created massive forts all around the house.

Being bored has created out of this world Lego creations.

Being bored has created amazing art work and mastering the art of stringing lacrosse sticks.

Being bored today got me a gorgeous wooden box with an ' I love you" on the side.

Our kids deserve to be bored.

Bored is the gateway to being  alone with oneself in a creative way.

Alone with oneself is never boring. It is a life skill.

Where Did the Time Go?

In the wee hours of the night I hear this, "Mom I think I am going to throw up."

I leap out of bed and head into the bathroom knowing exactly which child is in distress. His throw up voice is distinct and full of fear. He has always hated the throw up bug. Nobody likes it, but this child of mine has a deep aversion to vomit.

In my semi sleep state I enter the bathroom and all I feel is shock. My distressed child is six feet tall and 180 pounds. I know this. I see him everyday. Yet, shock waves run through me.

I comfort and do what I know this child needs when the throw up bug visits. Yet he is so big and I am so small in comparison.

It all works and I send him into bed with a bucket by his side and do all of the mommy love things.

I go back to bed and think, remember and never go back to sleep.

Where did the time go?

I remember Barney, the dinosaurs, the trucks, and Star Wars.

I think of the hard work he took on to be a better athlete all on his own.

I wonder if I did enough.

I try to imagine a day without hugging him. And I cry a bit.

I vow to hug him even more.

Next  year he will be in college.

Where did the time go?

Moving From Disappointment to Gratitude

There seems to be a false notion that a spiritual person rarely suffers from disappointment or anger or sadness. The problem with such a belief is that when you do strive for a more spiritual existence negative feelings that show up are viewed as bad and thus stuffed down.

I am a perfect example of such wacky thinking. Recently I suffered from what I perceived as an enormous let down. My children's father and his family were planning a vacation. I saw it as my first opportunity in years to take a mini vacation for myself.  I started saving whatever I could and began plotting and planning the 'Great Single Momma Escape". My escape crashed into pieces when I realized one of my children would be staying behind because of a play off game.

I cried.
I yelled.
I cried some more.
I complained.
I felt sorry for myself.
I complained some more.
I got mad at myself for feeling so angry and hurt and disappointed.
I got mad at myself some more.
I put on the martyr jacket and became grouchy and short tempered.

It was quite the few weeks and I grew tired of my self inflicted drama. So I stopped, put my butt down and prayed. Then I wrote it all out in brutal honesty and gave myself permission to feel those not so pretty feelings. I carefully chose one person to share my hurt. I chose the person who would empathize but not pity. It felt so great to allow myself to feel without the self- judgment and blame.

I was disappointed. Period. My trip was not going to happen. Period. Instead of  staying disappointed I tried to capture what I wanted from this trip. I wanted an escape from the 24/7 parenting. I wanted to feel carefree. I wanted time where all that mattered was me.

My next question was how could I feel that without the great single momma escape?  I tried to remember times I felt carefree, far away from the 24/7 parenting where all that mattered was me. That was the feeling I was trying to capture. I didn't need five days sans kiddos to get that. I could do it now. I could do a little bit of it every week even everyday.

So  I started running different beaches in Southern Maine. I am giving myself a few hours to hike different trails with my puppy. I am going to start biking again. The money I saved is now marked as 'Mini Single Momma Escapes'.

The disappointment has vanished. I am having a blast planning my mini  escapes.

I am now so excited to have this one child home alone with me for a few days. Next year he will be in college. What a gift it will be to have this time with just him.

                                           The view from my latest Single Momma Escape

                                                                I am so blessed

They are teaching me.

I  entered motherhood naively believing that I would teach my children everything they needed to know and that the learning was one way. The older I get, and the older my children get, I realize more and more that such a premise is very far from the truth.

My children are teaching me and have been teaching me since the day they were born. These days as I watch the people they are becoming, I am learning more about myself.

My eldest is committed to his dream of playing college lacrosse and is pushing his body to it's limits. He encourages me to train for a few 5Ks.

My daughter is amazingly comfortable in her introverted and intellectual nature. She encourages me to embrace and love my introversion and thinker nature.

My youngest's 'take life lightly' approach reminds me not to worry so much about the small stuff or any stuff .

There is so much more about each of them. Every day is a different lesson for me. As I raise them on my own they help me become a better me.

These beautiful young people entrusted in my care are teaching me valuable lessons about myself as I give them the permission and the freedom to become who they are.

Single Mothering...such a blessing!

Sacred Sundays

A house full of teens after a Saturday night dance.

A Mom in her bedroom wandering in and out to provide food and to  let them know I am here.

Staying awake and on alert because mine and others' most precious ones are on my watch.

Listening to all the fun.

Time doesn't matter.

Midnight cake baking.

After midnight cake eating.

Two a.m giggles

Three a.m. card games.

I hear it all.

Time has switched.

It is now four a.m. and the house is quiet.

I tiptoe around to find each fast asleep.

At last.

I am so blessed.

Amen