A Quick Way To Not Give Up When What you Planned Looks Nothing LikeWhat Is

    This is the time of year when I realize that my gardens look nothing like I planned. The continuous color I had envisioned simply didn't happen and one perennial bed looks like an unmowed section of my front lawn. Growing trees and a few windy rain storms wreaked havoc on a few of my favorite blooms.  The cucumbers and the tomatoes are lagging and some critter invited friends over for a lettuce picnic.

Some version of this story happens every year and every year I have this urge to just give up. Here is how I recover when what I planned looks nothing like what is.

Trash the vision

I am all for vision boards and imagining  an amazing future for ourselves. Planning and imagining my garden helped me survive this past winter. I have a dream and I know just what its fruition feels like. However, when we attach ourselves to the dream we forget the most important part of our lives.

Here and Now

I remember being a newly single mother with three children under six. The future looked so frightening and the past hurt beyond measure. One day,clear out of the blue, I started saying "Here and Now" repeatedly.  The thing about 'here and now' is that the future and the past go away. The fear goes the vision goes and life gets to be just as it is. Then the magic happens.

Gratitude.

With the vision gone and your only reality is here and now gratitude just spills everywhere,

Tomatoes and cukes are not doing so great. However, I tried something new this year and planted broccoli. WOWZAS

One garden may be just green but this one is bursting with color.

Life rarely turns out as we planned. however we always have a choice in how we look at it.

Blessings,
Virginia

If You are Bored, You are Boring

Years back my children had the best pediatrician ever!

This doctor actually came to my house to check in when Alex had strep throat, Elise had scarlet fever and pneumonia, Sean had RSV and I had a UTI. He was a caring, wise, and generous doctor.

He always marveled at how my little ones entertained themselves during long doctor's visits.

I remember his words, "If you are bored, you are boring. Virginia, your kids will never be boring."

Thus whenever a child of mine says they are bored I celebrate. I do not intervene. (I do want to fix it ,of course, but I try my best to hold back).

Being bored has created squabbles, headaches and guilt.

Yet, being bored has created massive forts all around the house.

Being bored has created out of this world Lego creations.

Being bored has created amazing art work and mastering the art of stringing lacrosse sticks.

Being bored today got me a gorgeous wooden box with an ' I love you" on the side.

Our kids deserve to be bored.

Bored is the gateway to being  alone with oneself in a creative way.

Alone with oneself is never boring. It is a life skill.

Mondays Course Of Miracles

The Christ in you is very still. He knows where you are going and He leads you there in gentleness and blessing all the way. ACIM

The kids are back at school. It is a new year. Life is resuming a new normal and there is so much to be done. This line from A Course of Miracles soothed me. We are never alone.

Blessings,

Monday's Course in Miracles

My favorite part of Christmas is the lights. As the days get shorter and darkness creeps in mid afternoon plugging in the Christmas tree and the outside decorations brings light to me. Those twinkles are nothing short of magic as they lighten my soul and bring me closer to my own light within.


Turn towards the light, for the little spark in you is part of a light so great that it can sweep you out of all darkness forever.  ACIM

I Should NOT Be Feeling Like This

" I should NOT be feeling like this."

That statement is one of the worst things we could ever tell ourselves.

I know that.

I teach that.

Yet today I told myself  I should NOT feel like this numerous times.

  Here are a few:

"It has been over a decade. Get over it Gin." I did not feel better.

"I cannot believe I am such a crybaby."  I felt worse.

"I should not be feeling this. I should be used to it. I should be happy. I should be better." I felt absolutely horrible.

Two of my three most beloveds took off today for a trip to Florida with their dad and their grandparents. Their grandparents wanted a trip with all three kiddos and it was a splendid idea. .
Until I realized one child would be home.

I got over that beautifully or so I thought.

As they pulled out of my driveway this morning,  I felt the  familiar nausea, heart cracking in half, and tears welling, yet I smiled, waved and blew kisses. All while the self talk pounded in my head:
"I should NOT be feeling this. It has been over a decade. Get over it Gin." 

They left and I continued my pre work morning routine of laundry, dishes, pick up, and dog walk  with tears rolling down my face. The monkey mind continued, "I cannot believe I am such a crybaby."

I got on my computer and made an attempt at working and resentment crept  in. I was supposed to be on vacation right now. I was supposed to be on the Great Single Momma Escape. Yet here I was doing the five kajillion things that make this family run. "I should not be feeling like this. I should be used to it. I should be happy I should be better."

Then a friend called. Her words, "He gets to take them on a fun vacation while you are still doing yesterdays laundry and dishes. I think I'd be resentful. You CAN feel that and still be a great mom. You know that right?"

It is okay to feel whatever feeling comes up.

Insanity happens when we judge feelings as bad.

It took me less than 30 minutes to allow the feelings without judgment and to come back to love. Love for me. Love for my kids. Love for what is.

 A picture of such love from a few years back:

Golden Nugget From My Sixth Grade Teacher

My K-8 years happened in five different schools. My happiest year was sixth grade.

I went to public school kindergarten, Catholic school first, second and some of third, public school remainder of third, fourth and fifth and back to Catholic school in sixth.

Sixth grade at St. Mary's meant I could travel public transit to and from school with my older sisters who went to the neighboring St, Mary's High School. I felt like I belonged. I was no longer bullied. I felt loved. I had the most loving teacher ever, Mrs. Allen. Her daughter, a nun. was the principal.

Today I remembered  a golden nugget she taught me.

Mrs. Allen gave each of us a circular card with 'tu it'  written in the middle.

She then told us that we may never ever in our lives tell anyone, "When I get around to it." for she had given us a round tu it.

Geesh. I remembered that today right after overwhelm. 

The memory made me happy and I got the basement cleaned in between pick ups.

Loving thoughts to you Mrs. Allen on earth or in heaven.

OVERWHELM

"Oh Dear God I am so overwhelmed." On my one day off, I have said that in my head many times.

I said it:

When I looked at the paper pile I needed to sort through.

When an email made me feel like I wasn't doing enough.

When my puppy chewed my wallet to bits.

When I was figuring out kids' schedules.

When I looked at the house projects that have yet to be done that REALLY need to be done.

When a teen of mine got snarly and I got snarlier back.

 "Dear God I am so overwhelmed."

While doing the dishes after my snarly 'not so loving mommy moment" , I prayed again. This time was different. This time I asked, "Show me where I am messing up God. Overwhelm is not yours or my plan."

I played with it a bit.

OVERWHELM:
Overloaded
Virginia
Exited the
Real
World where
Help is
Everywhere when you
Lovingly embrace
Miracles

I am heading back into the real world where help is everywhere and I lovingly embrace miracles.

Snarly and snarlier  shared a laugh.

It just happened.

I don't remember the last time I breastfed each of my children.
Yet I remember each of them at my breast, their schedules and quirks. Each child has a beautiful story.

I don't remember the last time I changed a diaper.
Yet I remember the squirts, the wiggles, and the songs I sang.

 I don't remember the last time I wiped a butt leaning forward on the toilet.
Yet I remember the thought, "Will I be doing this forever?"

I don't remember that last time I read a story to my children.
Yet I remember the absolute joy of being together in  a book in my bed.

I don't remember the last time I had to be outside when my kids waited for the bus.
Yet I remember the fun games, fighting over who gets to  hold  my coffee cup to keep their hands warm and our neighbors who waited with us.

I don't remember the last time I had to drive my eldest anywhere. Yet I remember having to lug two sleepy kids to pick him up.

It just happened.

Senior year seems to be all about celebrating endings. My first senior night is coming up. My son and I will be honored for his last football game in high school.

It is a beautiful ceremony.

Yet I somehow wish this was another 'just happened' .

"Just happened"  feels more natural.

Monday's Course of Miracles

Forgiveness is the only gift I give, because it is the only gift I want. And everything I give I give myself. ACIM

Forgive yourself for everything you perceived as wrong, bad or not enough.  It is all perfect. Let it go just like the trees are letting go of their leaves. Letting go in forgiveness equals beauty.

Daddy

Today marks his 88th. His numbers added up equal my daughter's age. They share the same birthday. I remember when Elise turned 8 and He turned 80. Naturally she did the math from that day forward, until he died.

Today I pulled Elise out of school to have a take out Chinese food  picnic at the beach to celebrate her Sweet 16. We had so much fun. I was joyous and enjoying my amazing daughter , the yummy food and the  breathtaking view. My heart was so full there was no room for anything else but Her.

Then while sinking her teeth into orange chicken, she said, "Today is  Pa's 88th birthday."

I paused, glanced at the sea, looked at the amazing young woman (my daughter) beside me  and said, " It sure is and he loved Chinese food too."

Happy Birthday Daddy! I Love You!

Sixteen years ago.

Sixteen years ago today, after a two week stay in the hospital 'they' weren't sure if I would deliver a healthy, alive baby. They prepared us for the worst.

 

 

How blessed am I?

On October 16th, 1997, against all odds, Elise arrived. I am so lucky. This gal rocks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monday's A Course In Miracles

The Holy Spirit Speaks Through Me Today.

The Holy Spirit needs my voice today, that all the world may listen to Your Voice, and hear Your Voice through me, for I would use no words but Yours, and have no thoughts which are apart from Yours, for Yours are true. ACIM.

What a day.

Blessings,

Virginia

 

 

Mom said there would be days like this.

Mom said there would be days like this.

Water poured onto the floor from the dishwasher.

Water leaked in dribbles from the washing machine.

My puppy nipped and went backwards from our training.

My home was at 58 degrees so I turned on the heat. It didn't kick in.

I hit the reset button and only two rooms got warm.

Mom said there would be days like this.

So glad there is God.