Single Mom Thriving: Six Common Misconceptions of Single Moms

  I have heard many statements that contribute to the misconceptions of single moms. Here are my top six.

1."You are so lucky. You get every other weekend off"
     When my children were small I used the time they were with their dad to do the things that I couldn't get done when they were around. However, I did feel quite fortunate to go to the bathroom in peace.

Now that they are older, they want to be at home to be with their friends.  Weekends with their dad has become brief visits and creative orchestrating of schedules to spend time with their father.

While divorce offers many perks, having time off isn't one of them.

2."You're pretty. So don't worry. You'll get remarried soon,"
     Someone said this to me in the early stages of separation/divorce. I still shake my head.  What do my looks have to do with anything?

Contrary to belief, most single moms aren't in any rush to get remarried. They are looking for a new way to be happy.  Remarriage and happiness aren't necessarily a package deal.

3." I don't know how you do it."
      This is often said with an undertone of pity. Please don't feel sorry for a single mom.  I don't know how I do it either, but what is my other option?

You too would manage to do anything for your children.

Offer help not pity.

4."Your poor children have to grow up in a broken family."

     I am astonished that the negative stigma towards children growing with a single mom still exists.  My children were raised by me and are doing just fine. Two will be in college in the fall and all three are honor students and wonderful human beings. There is absolutely nothing broken here. Except for the dishwasher .

5."Getting divorced is the easy way out."

     There is nothing easy about divorce. It is a painstakingly difficult decision to make and a heart wrenching process to go through. Choosing to get divorced is often a smart decision and the best decision in many situations. In many ways it benefits both children and adults, but it is not the easy way out.

6. "But you are all alone. You must be so lonely."

        Loneliness and being alone are not synonyms.

Of the hundreds of single moms I have coached, being alone has built strength and self esteem to heights they never knew existed. A central part of the healing process is getting to know yourself better which translates into enjoying your own company.

Single moms are champions for their children and appreciate the value of a village. So while there are many things we do alone, there are numerous things others have stepped up to the plate to help us with.

We have created lives that overflow with helpers. And while many untruths remain to the ignorant, the village of helpers knows that being a single mom is pretty awesome!