Single Mom Thriving and Surviving Mother's Day

I wrote this piece six years ago and I thought I would recycle it on my blog to honor all single mothers this Mothers Day.  Mother's Day really is about being with your children.

                               This is the picture that went with the article. Talk about TBT!

                                           
                                                             Just Mom

Like all single mothers I figured out immediately that the buck stopped with me. If something needed to be done, I figured it out.  Holidays were no different. In spite of Hallmark's incessant reminders that my family looked different, I went into each holiday determined to celebrate joy.

I figured out Christmas trees and Christmas lights. I stayed up all night one Christmas eve putting together a "some assembly required" pool table. I enjoyed buying my own presents, filling my own Easter basket and even buying my own valentine. I was proud that I knew how to honor and cherish myself regardless of my marital status.

Then Mothers day happened and all I felt was sad and sorry for myself. While millions of mothers were being pampered by their children with their husbands' assistance, my children were panic stricken as how to honor me. I missed my mom terribly and was envious of all the moms enjoying brunch, flowers and no housework.

No matter how hard I tried I couldn't bring myself to enjoy Mother's Day. I would have preferred to skip the entire day all together.

But for my children's sake I can do anything, even get a grip on Mother's Day.  It took time to master the day and it will never be my favorite, but joy can be found.

First I give myself to full permission to feel sad, resentful, angry or even jealous on Mother's Day. Feelings come up all of the time allowing them to be there makes them go away.

Secondly, my children feel enormous pressure on Mothers Day and it is difficult for them to create a perfect day without the help of another adult. I take all of the pressure off by assuring them I only want a hand made card and they include a breakfast in bed.

I also ask my children for alone time in my garden where I can be with my mom. Each year I plant something in  memory of my mom on Mothers Day.

Permission to feel, breakfast in bed,handmade cards, time alone in my garden with my mom are all the mothers day festivities I want. The rest of the day is about being a family and spending time with my three favorite people, the ones who gave me the honorable title of Mom.