Love Forgives

  Love makes mistakes. Love forgives. Love never harbors guilt.

After more than 16 years and over 200,000 miles, my green queen simply died. You can read my tribute  to my beloved mini van here.

I was so excited when I bought my new Ford Focus. I named her Zippy. It was the car I had been wanting for so long!

I love driving it. I love the gas mileage. I am beyond grateful to have such a reliable vehicle. My kids know this.

My youngest recently got his license. We share Zippy. He pays a small portion of the insurance hike and is great about tossing in a few bucks of gas.

He is a great driver.

If I don't need my car, I let him take it.

He came home this morning after practice, "Mom?.."

The look on his face was horrifying.

 I thought someone had died.

"It's your car."

He hit a friend's truck backing out. There is a big old dent in the side of my car. His friend's truck has no damage.

I hugged him.

Then I said," You poor thing. You must feel horrible. It is okay. It is just a dent in a car."

He asked me why I felt sorry for him.

I shared a memory.

When he was in fourth grade I accidentally slammed the green queen's door on his hand. I was dropping off his siblings at the junior high.

 He was climbing into the front seat as I wished them off. I shut the door without even looking and then screamed when I turned back.

No bones were broken.  He got a cool cast to protect his bruised fingers.

All day at school whenever an  adult asked him about his cast, their response was, " Oh your poor mother"

He didn't get it.

I think he gets it now.

Love makes mistakes. Love forgives. Love never harbors guilt.

Blessings, 

Virginia 

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Single Mom Thriving: Advice

Take care of yourself.
As they instruct on an airplane, put your mask on before your child's.
Pamper yourself.
Your child deserves a healthy happy mom.
Get a massage, a pedicure, a manicure.
Go out with friends.
Go on dates.

This list is just a portion of advice for single moms that I have read or heard over the years.

When I read them or heard them, I didn't feel inspired. In fact, I felt downright awful.

As in, "To be happy, I have to do MORE?"

I am a firm believer in Single Moms putting themselves first and taking great care of themselves. However you can't follow someone else's recipe for happiness.

The single mom recipe for happiness can only be written by you.

Some things that helped me through the years:


* Pay close attention to your self talk. Aim to say only loving and kind things to yourself.

* You will mess up. Say kind loving things to yourself. All moms mess up. The mistake is not because you are a single mom.

* Include your children in the things you love to do. I love being outside in all weather. I spent hours on end  playing outside with my children. It refreshed me. I got my exercise. My children got their exercise and mostly we had fun.

* I taught my children at a young age that 6 am was the earliest they could get up for the day. That gave me 5-6 a.m to write and exercise.

* Dating or not dating can both be happiness boosters. You choose!

Being happy and taking excellent care of yourself is not about doing anything more. It is about enjoying what you have and being kind and loving to yourself.

If that means a massage and a manicure then go for it.. If that means a game of touch football in the yard go for it. There is no one cookie cutter happy single mom.

As the CEO of your family you choose what makes a single mom thrive.

Blesssings,
Virginia.

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Blessings,
Virginia

Our Stories are Based on Alternative Facts.

        We have stories attached to everything.

We have a money story
We have a relationship story.
We have a body story.
We have a career story.

When we have issues with anything in the list above,  our story is not true. It is based on 'alternative facts.'

Those alternative facts are based on a story we have told ourselves repeatedly based on what happened in the past.

We aren't doing anything wrong. We are just believing a false story.

Our job is to rewrite the story. We rewrite our story by simply removing the debris that is covering who we really are.

    Who we really are is a being of light and love.
    Who we really are can accomplish anything.
    Who we really are is absolutely perfect.


This morning I set the stage to pay my bills. I lit a candle.  I made tea and put my Pandora station to Jim Brickman.

WHAM! Out of nowhere came panic. My heart was racing. I felt a heaviness in my solar plexus. All I wanted to do was run.

I have been doing the anxiety dance most of my life. I have learned, the hard way, that the only way out is through. 

SO I just stopped and became curious. I became aware of my breath and my body sensations.

I talked to my feelings, " Thanks for dropping by panic. I have got this covered. I have enough. But thanks for your help."

That was it. Then I got back to the task at hand.

The ego wants to terrorize us with our thoughts and feelings. But they are only thoughts and feelings telling us a false story of who we really are.

The good news is, each time we become curious about  uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, we remove another piece of debris.  And get closer  to who we really are.

There are no alternative facts to who we really are.

We are love.

Blessings,
Virginia,

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I Spent This Week Wasted.

I wasted a lot of time.

I got scared. So I over did the internet news search.

I reacted. So I read, posted and shared a crazy amount of things on social media.

I wanted numb. So I binged on Netflix.

I gave fear the time I could have been creating and loving.

No more.

I have a new plan.

1. I am only paying attention to two  news sources I trust, NPR and The Washington Post. (There are many more I trust I just limited myself to two)

2. I will do one thing a day to make this world better. This change is a marathon not a sprint. One thing is enough. 
              Imagine if we all just did one thing. 

3. My one thing will be decided the night before. Then I will schedue it.

4. Social media happens after I have created and loved.

Let's make this time a love fest and stop being wasted!

Blessings,
Virginia

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Today We Marched. Tomorrow We Do LOVE..

I could not march today.

Yet I was there in spirit and I watched as much as I could.

Thank you brave, LOVE  spirited Americans!

As Marty Walsh said in Boston, "This Country was already great!"

I believe it will continue to be so.

Did you watch Ashley Judds speech? See it here

If you have never been sexually assaulted you might not get the significance and that is beautiful. (You are in the minority)

The thing is we get to be mad.

We get to be angry.

We are allowed to be simply flabberghasted.

YET

This cannot be a war against President Trump.

Wars bring death.

We cannot be about death.

Tomorrow we LOVE!

We recognize all of the love we have right here and right now.

From that love we act.

We act in whatever way feels right to us.

This not a war.

This is Love taking over.

Love always wins!

Many blessings,
Virginia

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We Widen the Gap to Remember.

We widen the gap to remember our essence is peace and love. Let's all spend time in that gap.

Thanks for watching.

Thanks for infusing your love into this world.


Blessings,
Virginia

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Mondays Course In Miracles; Five Easy Ways to Be The Light

We are entering into the darkest days of the year. 

It is also the happiest time of the year.

Or so they say.

Not totally sure who the 'they' are. 

Yet I am sure of this:

You carry the light. And your light matters!

The world needs your light. 

Here are some ideas to shine.

Smile at everyone you meet. 

Make eye contact as you smile.

While getting ready for your day think of someone and send them a prayer.

Do something special for the ones you share your day to day with. The day to day loves are usually the ones we forget.

Do something for you! You matter. Loving you is the key to loving everyone.

Only light is real.

Blessings,

Virginia

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Monday A Course In Miracles

Please Try This With Me

One college love has arrived home for Thanksgiving. My other college love will arrive home tomorrow. My heart is filling up. I am feeling so blessed.

The Holidays are here. Let the joy ring out. Let the gratitiude pour. Let all miracles come true.

It all sounds perfect for me and maybe for you.

But maybe not for your neighbor.

Maybe not for the store clerk.

Maybe not for the person who just cut you off in traffic.

Maybe not for that random person with a giant smile.

Or maybe not for you.

The Holidays are loaded with the expectation of perfect joy.

Yet not everyone is experiencing joy. Many are struggling.

This Holiday Season I invite you to do this with me:

Pay attention to the person in front of you.

The person in front of you is your child, your coworker, the person in front of you in the check out line, your partner, anyone you happen to run into and especially that person you see in the mirror everyday!

Pay attention.

Then find a way you can make your interaction more loving. Find a way to bring light to everyone you  meet.

The Holiday Season is about the gift of love. Let's all spread it! One person in front of us at a time.

Blessings,
Virginia

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Monday's Course In Miracles

 

Love always leads to Love. ACIM

We get to choose our path. It is simple but not easy. Let's keep trying to choose the path of Love.

Monday's Course In Miracles

        When you want only love you will see nothing else. ACIM

Watch On Wednesday; Life's Retests

Sometimes we don't learn the lesson the first time and the same issue shows up again and again.  I like  to think of them as retests and an opportunity to learn.

Enjoy!

When was the last time you had a retest?

Watch on Wednesday: Taming the Angry Monster.

We all get angry.  We all have let that anger get the best of .

What if there was a better way or even a healthier way to deal with anger?

Watch and see.

Blessings,
Virginia

Five Ways to Embrace Our Sadness and Lean into Healing.

 


My heart is so heavy and my sadness runs deep. As I try to wrap my head around the news, my heart cracks wide open.

Forty nine beautiful lives brutally taken.  So many tragically lost a daughter, a brother, a sister, a friend, a life partner, a husband, a wife, a lover, a niece, a cousin,  a nephew.  The suffering is unimaginable. I hurt all over.

I was already hurting.  A convicted rapist will only serve three months in jail.

And perhaps my heart is still hurting from all of the previous mass shootings and injustices of our world.

It hurts.

But I don't want it to go away. I want to feel it ,because that is what it means to be human. As humans we feel the pain in the world. As humans we also know healing is possible.

I feel for the brave woman who wrote that eloquent speech to the judge. I want her to heal.

I feel for all women who are victims of rape. I want them to heal.

I feel for the families and loved ones of every single person killed in an act of terror. I want them to heal.

In feeling my sadness and wanting to heal:

1. I try to make my world more beautiful.

I plant flowers. The blooms get watered with my tears.
Ann Lamott recommends picking up litter.
I like to clean a room, a drawer, a closet. Order makes me feel like I have control.

2. I offer help.

I believe acts of love are universal. Helping the person in front of you helps heal the world.  Even a heartfelt smile can create a miracle.  I also heed the advice from my childhood love, Mr. Rogers. I look for the helpers.

3. I share love.

I reach out to family and friends. I pray. The other day I set an hourly alarm on my phone. Each hour I held that beautiful ,brave, warrior of a woman in my heart. In those few minutes on the hour ,I showered her with love. I am doing something similar for the victims in Orlando. Love always trumps hate.

4. I make an effort not to get sucked into the media.

I find it traumatizing to watch and rewatch the news reel. I also hate having to repeatedly see the face of the perpetrators. Instead, I look for something inspirational or funny to read or watch.  I limit social media.

5. I create.

It has been scientifically proven that creativity increases happiness. Creating a meal, a picture, a dance, a song,a photograph all lift my spirit. Lifting our own spirits lifts the spirits of those around us and has a rippling effect.

Even in  the darkness I choose love. Please join me.

Blessings,
Virginia

Monday's Course In Miracles

My daily spiritual practice includes reading A Course In Miracles. Each  Monday I share a quote from the text.

How to Forgive.

Forgive and Forget.

Is that really possible when you have been hurt by someone you love?

Forgiveness used to frighten me. I thought that if I forgave, I was somehow being weak. Only when I understood what forgiveness  is NOT  could I receive it's gift.

Forgiveness is not condoning or even accepting the behavior of the person who hurt us.
Forgiveness doesn't mean we will never have feelings about the the situation.
Forgiveness doesn't mean we will forget.
Forgiveness doesn't even involve the other person.

Forgiveness can only happen after we have delved into our feelings around the hurt. Often times that delving involves a therapist, a coach, or a trusted friend.

Forgiveness starts as a willingness and in time leads to no longer being a victim of our circumstances.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with you. Once you have forgiven you are free from those dark feelings of revenge and bitterness and resentment. Once you have forgiven you can look ahead to a brighter future.

One of my favorite prayers:
   "Dear God, Help me to forgive. Help me to see love and not fear."

Monday's Course In Miracles

My daily spiritual practice includes studying A Course in Miracles. Each Monday I share a quote from the text.

       Love created me like itself. ACIM

The Same Gate

In a quest to quiet my mind I came across this poem.

Inside the great mystery that is,
We do not really own anything.

What is this competition we feel then,
before we go, one at a time, through the same gate. Rumi

It gave me shivers and brought me back to center where I know and you know all that is true.

*Time is precious. Tomorrow is not promised to any one of us.

* Life is short. Too short for comparisons. Too short to even spend one second believing we are less than or more than anybody else.

* Listen to your soul's calling and take immediate action.

* When the gate arrives, all that will really matter is how you choose to love right now.

Blessings,
Virginia

Monday's Course in Miracles

My daily spiritual practice includes studying The Course in Miracles. Each Monday I share a quote from the text.

Only Love is sure. ACIM

Monday's Course in Miracles

My daily spiritual practice includes studying A Course in Miracles. Each Monday I share a quote from the text.

Every loving thought is true.
Everything else is an appeal for healing and help,
Regardless of the form it takes.