Single Mom Thriving. I Fell in Love! With Shoveling.

I remember shoveling snow with a baby monitor and a cellphone attached to each hip.

Each time the baby monitor went wacky I would panic.

I would rush to the door, do two steps at a time and make sure all three babes were okay.

Baby monitors were a bit wacky back then.

I remember a hip high end of the driveway pile on one night of shoveling when I still carried a baby monitor. A plow driver stopped and did the job.

I remember moving here and a neighbor plowed me out at every snow storm.

I remember when that neighbor stopped plowing me out and it was once again up to me.

My kids and I did the job.

Then one went to college.

So we kicked it up another notch.

I remember when wuzband had those two and I cried in the driveway. I took breaks. Yet, I shoveled two feet of snow.

Then two went to college and us two became ninjas.

Five times shoveling in two days.

I am going out again to do the end of the driveway.

I kind of love it.

I love being outside.

I love that at 53 I can still shovel.

I love that as a single mom I can take care of my family.

I knda love shoveling.

I really love snow.!

Blessings,

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Single Mom Thriving: Advice

Take care of yourself.
As they instruct on an airplane, put your mask on before your child's.
Pamper yourself.
Your child deserves a healthy happy mom.
Get a massage, a pedicure, a manicure.
Go out with friends.
Go on dates.

This list is just a portion of advice for single moms that I have read or heard over the years.

When I read them or heard them, I didn't feel inspired. In fact, I felt downright awful.

As in, "To be happy, I have to do MORE?"

I am a firm believer in Single Moms putting themselves first and taking great care of themselves. However you can't follow someone else's recipe for happiness.

The single mom recipe for happiness can only be written by you.

Some things that helped me through the years:


* Pay close attention to your self talk. Aim to say only loving and kind things to yourself.

* You will mess up. Say kind loving things to yourself. All moms mess up. The mistake is not because you are a single mom.

* Include your children in the things you love to do. I love being outside in all weather. I spent hours on end  playing outside with my children. It refreshed me. I got my exercise. My children got their exercise and mostly we had fun.

* I taught my children at a young age that 6 am was the earliest they could get up for the day. That gave me 5-6 a.m to write and exercise.

* Dating or not dating can both be happiness boosters. You choose!

Being happy and taking excellent care of yourself is not about doing anything more. It is about enjoying what you have and being kind and loving to yourself.

If that means a massage and a manicure then go for it.. If that means a game of touch football in the yard go for it. There is no one cookie cutter happy single mom.

As the CEO of your family you choose what makes a single mom thrive.

Blesssings,
Virginia.

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Blessings,
Virginia

Single Mom Thriving. Family Rituals

When I first got divorced I worried enormously about the emotional toll on my children. More than anything, I wanted us to still feel like a family.  One way I did that was creating rituals.

Some we have out grown.  Some still remain. My favorites just evolved.

*Readjusting after a period with their Dad was often difficult. So I made the coming home a ritual. There would be a family hug, cereal for dinner and a movie. It was something they could absolutely count as it was always the same. It served as an anchor for them.

*We have family dinners each and every night. With varying sports schedules ,often times these meals were in the van at the beach.  Now we vary the family meal to when ever we were all together. It takes planning. However whether breakfast, lunch, snack time or dinner, we aim to gather each and everyday as a family.

*We light candles at dinner time. At the end of the meal we blow them out and make a wish.

*After dinner we all work together to clean up the kitchen, pick up debris from the day and switch the laundry. When they were small once it was all done, we would go outside and play.

*I don't remember consciously planning this ritual, yet it is my favorite. Every time we come in or go out the door, there's a hug and an I love you.

 *My other new favorite that just evolved is our goof Christmas pictures.  2015:

As single moms we really want to give our children the security and love that come from being in a family.  Just because your family doesn't look like the Hallmark version, doesn't mean you are any less of a family. In fact it might just mean you are a stronger family.

Blessings,
Virginia

Single Mom Thriving

I was talking to a friend the other day and she complimented me on raising my three children as a single mom.  This friend has carried me through many dark times as I navigated single motherhood and has been one of my best cheerleaders. Her compliment meant the world to me and we started reminiscing of days gone by.

Our conversation got me thinking of who I was when this journey of single mother hood began.   I remember the nightmares with the same theme; I am trying to get all three of my children to safety all by myself and am not succeeding. Those nightmares made falling back to sleep impossible. I remember the 'punch in the gut' feeling every time some single motherhood statistic came my way. I remember the constant fear and the fetal position cry I did after I put them to bed. All of that remembering made me want to go back to that Virginia and hug her, reassure her and tell her these five things.

1. Life loves you. This too shall pass. The joyful days ahead will astound you!

1, YES! Your intuitive decision to stay present for your children is spot on. Stop second guessing it. Stay at home /work from home moms do not need a marriage license.

2. YES! playing outside with your children is the best way to spend your time. Neighbors will think you are crazy, yet the memories will create many dinner table laughs years from now.

3. A mustard seed of faith is truly all you need. Help will show up in a million ways. You will be the recipient of Christmas presents for your children, more groceries than you can imagine, tanks of oil, help with your flooded basement, and many rides for your children.. just to name a few.

4. It won't be easy. There will be storms. However, your children are going to be just fine. Actually they will be better than fine. They will soar and your heart will burst with pride when you witness their dreams coming true.

5. Yes right now you are scared and feeling alone. Just beneath that smile are buckets of tears. However, one day you will look back. You will wonder how you did it and you will realize you were never ever alone. God always had and still has your back.