Seven Ways To Beat Sadness

I dropped my daughter at college last week. She is my second child to fly the coop.  I thought it would be easy since it was my second time launching a child to college.

It wasn't easy. I felt sad really,really sad. I felt silly for being so sad. I had the urge to compare my feelings with everyone else's feelings.

The burden of sadness, like all moods, did eventually pass.

Here is what helped.



1. Allow the sadness.
     
     My sadness caught me off guard and my first response was to deny it. Then I made it even worse when I judged my sadness. Feelings are just feelings.  They come and go.  Denying and judging  them makes them stay longer.

2. Don't compare.

     Everyone experiences life differently.  As Franklin Roosevelt said, "Comparison is the thief of joy."

3. Move your body 

     I am an avid exerciser ,but in that sadness, all I wanted to do was curl up with netflix. I forced myself to get outside for a walk. It helped immensely.

4. Cry,

     Crying is beneficial and usually makes you feel better. In allowing my feelings, I also allowed myself to cry.

5, Clean

In the words of Gretchen Rubin  "Outer order brings inner calm".  Clean kitchen counters always brighten my mood.

6. Eat 

    I am an emotional non-eater.  So I picked the cheerful color orange and ate that; cantalope, carrots, oranges, mangoes, cheese, cheese doodles, salmon.

7. Gratitude

   Even in the midst of any sadness there are shimmers of light. Be grateful for those shimmers.

Five Ways to Embrace Our Sadness and Lean into Healing.

 


My heart is so heavy and my sadness runs deep. As I try to wrap my head around the news, my heart cracks wide open.

Forty nine beautiful lives brutally taken.  So many tragically lost a daughter, a brother, a sister, a friend, a life partner, a husband, a wife, a lover, a niece, a cousin,  a nephew.  The suffering is unimaginable. I hurt all over.

I was already hurting.  A convicted rapist will only serve three months in jail.

And perhaps my heart is still hurting from all of the previous mass shootings and injustices of our world.

It hurts.

But I don't want it to go away. I want to feel it ,because that is what it means to be human. As humans we feel the pain in the world. As humans we also know healing is possible.

I feel for the brave woman who wrote that eloquent speech to the judge. I want her to heal.

I feel for all women who are victims of rape. I want them to heal.

I feel for the families and loved ones of every single person killed in an act of terror. I want them to heal.

In feeling my sadness and wanting to heal:

1. I try to make my world more beautiful.

I plant flowers. The blooms get watered with my tears.
Ann Lamott recommends picking up litter.
I like to clean a room, a drawer, a closet. Order makes me feel like I have control.

2. I offer help.

I believe acts of love are universal. Helping the person in front of you helps heal the world.  Even a heartfelt smile can create a miracle.  I also heed the advice from my childhood love, Mr. Rogers. I look for the helpers.

3. I share love.

I reach out to family and friends. I pray. The other day I set an hourly alarm on my phone. Each hour I held that beautiful ,brave, warrior of a woman in my heart. In those few minutes on the hour ,I showered her with love. I am doing something similar for the victims in Orlando. Love always trumps hate.

4. I make an effort not to get sucked into the media.

I find it traumatizing to watch and rewatch the news reel. I also hate having to repeatedly see the face of the perpetrators. Instead, I look for something inspirational or funny to read or watch.  I limit social media.

5. I create.

It has been scientifically proven that creativity increases happiness. Creating a meal, a picture, a dance, a song,a photograph all lift my spirit. Lifting our own spirits lifts the spirits of those around us and has a rippling effect.

Even in  the darkness I choose love. Please join me.

Blessings,
Virginia