On February 4, 2005 I was filled with hope.
February 4, 2005 my divorce was finalized.
After five years of knowing.
After five years of turning over every rock.
After trying and trying to make it work..for the children.
After thinking I simply cannot lose my mom to Altzeimers and my husband at the same time.
I just turned direction.
I got in the direction of LOVE.
I felt great on February 4, 2005.
On that day I woke with my three lovlings sprawled all over my bed.
We read in my bed and I fell asleep.
I woke to a window version of winter wonderland.
In my sacred vision the snow looked like the wedding dress my mom made for me.(The same mom that didnot know who I was.)
It was a weird day.
It was a happy day.
It was a sad day.
It was one of the happiest days of my life!
Blessings ,
Virginia
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Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Thanksgiving at Home
One of the many blessings of divorce is that my children know the 'day' of any given holiday is insignificant. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Birthdays or a holiday 'just because' can be celebrated any time of the year.
Today was Thanksgiving at the McCormack household. The day couldn't have been more perfect. We were all together. My children willingly cancelled a few of their teen commitments for 'our' Thanksgiving. We worked together to create a most delicious meal. We played football in the rain. We ate a ton. We played a slew of board games. We laughed. We talked. We were together.
The fact that today is not Thanksgiving or the fact that their dad 'has them' this year for Thanksgiving never entered our minds.
As they were about to leave with their dad one child said, "Thanks Mom for making sure we had Thanksgiving at home."
Thanksgiving at home.
I am so thankful!
Today was Thanksgiving at the McCormack household. The day couldn't have been more perfect. We were all together. My children willingly cancelled a few of their teen commitments for 'our' Thanksgiving. We worked together to create a most delicious meal. We played football in the rain. We ate a ton. We played a slew of board games. We laughed. We talked. We were together.
The fact that today is not Thanksgiving or the fact that their dad 'has them' this year for Thanksgiving never entered our minds.
As they were about to leave with their dad one child said, "Thanks Mom for making sure we had Thanksgiving at home."
Thanksgiving at home.
I am so thankful!
Moving From Disappointment to Gratitude
There seems to be a false notion that a spiritual person rarely suffers from disappointment or anger or sadness. The problem with such a belief is that when you do strive for a more spiritual existence negative feelings that show up are viewed as bad and thus stuffed down.
I am a perfect example of such wacky thinking. Recently I suffered from what I perceived as an enormous let down. My children's father and his family were planning a vacation. I saw it as my first opportunity in years to take a mini vacation for myself. I started saving whatever I could and began plotting and planning the 'Great Single Momma Escape". My escape crashed into pieces when I realized one of my children would be staying behind because of a play off game.
I cried.
I yelled.
I cried some more.
I complained.
I felt sorry for myself.
I complained some more.
I got mad at myself for feeling so angry and hurt and disappointed.
I got mad at myself some more.
I put on the martyr jacket and became grouchy and short tempered.
It was quite the few weeks and I grew tired of my self inflicted drama. So I stopped, put my butt down and prayed. Then I wrote it all out in brutal honesty and gave myself permission to feel those not so pretty feelings. I carefully chose one person to share my hurt. I chose the person who would empathize but not pity. It felt so great to allow myself to feel without the self- judgment and blame.
I was disappointed. Period. My trip was not going to happen. Period. Instead of staying disappointed I tried to capture what I wanted from this trip. I wanted an escape from the 24/7 parenting. I wanted to feel carefree. I wanted time where all that mattered was me.
My next question was how could I feel that without the great single momma escape? I tried to remember times I felt carefree, far away from the 24/7 parenting where all that mattered was me. That was the feeling I was trying to capture. I didn't need five days sans kiddos to get that. I could do it now. I could do a little bit of it every week even everyday.
So I started running different beaches in Southern Maine. I am giving myself a few hours to hike different trails with my puppy. I am going to start biking again. The money I saved is now marked as 'Mini Single Momma Escapes'.
The disappointment has vanished. I am having a blast planning my mini escapes.
I am now so excited to have this one child home alone with me for a few days. Next year he will be in college. What a gift it will be to have this time with just him.
The view from my latest Single Momma Escape
I am so blessed
I am a perfect example of such wacky thinking. Recently I suffered from what I perceived as an enormous let down. My children's father and his family were planning a vacation. I saw it as my first opportunity in years to take a mini vacation for myself. I started saving whatever I could and began plotting and planning the 'Great Single Momma Escape". My escape crashed into pieces when I realized one of my children would be staying behind because of a play off game.
I cried.
I yelled.
I cried some more.
I complained.
I felt sorry for myself.
I complained some more.
I got mad at myself for feeling so angry and hurt and disappointed.
I got mad at myself some more.
I put on the martyr jacket and became grouchy and short tempered.
It was quite the few weeks and I grew tired of my self inflicted drama. So I stopped, put my butt down and prayed. Then I wrote it all out in brutal honesty and gave myself permission to feel those not so pretty feelings. I carefully chose one person to share my hurt. I chose the person who would empathize but not pity. It felt so great to allow myself to feel without the self- judgment and blame.
I was disappointed. Period. My trip was not going to happen. Period. Instead of staying disappointed I tried to capture what I wanted from this trip. I wanted an escape from the 24/7 parenting. I wanted to feel carefree. I wanted time where all that mattered was me.
My next question was how could I feel that without the great single momma escape? I tried to remember times I felt carefree, far away from the 24/7 parenting where all that mattered was me. That was the feeling I was trying to capture. I didn't need five days sans kiddos to get that. I could do it now. I could do a little bit of it every week even everyday.
So I started running different beaches in Southern Maine. I am giving myself a few hours to hike different trails with my puppy. I am going to start biking again. The money I saved is now marked as 'Mini Single Momma Escapes'.
The disappointment has vanished. I am having a blast planning my mini escapes.
I am now so excited to have this one child home alone with me for a few days. Next year he will be in college. What a gift it will be to have this time with just him.
The view from my latest Single Momma Escape
I am so blessed
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