My daily spiritual practice consists of reading from the Course in Miracles, writing and meditating. Each Monday I share the daily lesson from the Course.
After my mornings meditation I received some sad news. An amazing, inspiring, full of life woman that I had the honor to know passed away yesterday. She was such an inspiration to the world with an ' F you cancer, I am still alive' attitude. News of her death derailed me.
My default button kicked in. That button signals: "Do anything but feel the real feeling."
So I moved into frantic picking up, putting away, walking the dog, and sloppy exercise. Attempt number one to begin writing failed. So I organized files, made a few phone calls and tried writing again. I failed again.
Learning that this amazing woman has left this world is extremely sad. I can do sad. The fact that cancer even exists is maddening. I can do angry.
Many people I have loved, up close and from afar, have left this world. I have felt crippling sadness and anger. Yet sadness and anger are the easy ones. Those are the ones we can so readily talk about and act upon and the world understands. What the world doesn't want to hear and what I hate to admit is that
Death makes me feel vulnerable and scared.
It makes me ask, " What is the point?"
It makes me fearful of my children's every movement.
It makes this whole impermanence in life scare the bejeesus out of me.
I didn't want to post today's lesson in The Course with fright hanging out in my heart.
So I went back and opened the book randomly.
I do not believe in coincidence.
I DO believe in Miracles.
Here are the words I was gifted with:
I Rest in God....this thought will carry you through storms and strife, past misery and pain, past loss and death and onward to the certainty of God. ACIM
With my vulnerability, my fear, my anger and my sorrow I can rest in God. HE is permanent.
Ann Murray Paige's message of love, hope,joy,and F you cancer is permanent too. Love never dies.
Blessings
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