Choose Life

In her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, Bonnie Ware lists not choosing happiness as one of the top five regrets.

I do believe happiness is a choice but is so much more than that. Our lives aren't meant to be all sunshine and roses. We all travel through dark times.  How does one choose happy in those moments?

We can fully appreciate the joy when we honor the uncomfortable feelings that ebb and flow. We can't run from grief or anxiety or anger  and expect to just be happy. Oh sure we can paste a smile on our face and start reciting affirmations in our head all day, but that doesn't bring joy. That just makes the feeling creep up in other ways, sometimes even as an illness.

Some of the most joyful moments in my life came after I met  pain head on.

I was the first person to enter the funeral home at my mothers wake. When I saw her in the coffin something primal jolted me and I ran out the door and down the street sobbing. My sister was waiting for me as I turned back. We comforted eachother and then had one of the most memorable belly laughs of my life.

The day my father died I remember riding a wave at the beach and feeling so free and joyful even though my heart was heavy and my eyes were puffed and red from all of the crying.

Perhaps the biggest regret isn't not choosing happiness but in not choosing life. When we choose life we open ourselves to it all and then the joy bursts open.

Monday's Course In Miracles

My daily spiritual practice includes reading A Course In Miracles, writing and meditating. Each Monday I share the lesson from ACIM.


God goes with me wherever I go. ACIM


This is one of my favorite lines. As a single mother of three teenagers, I can often get caught up in the story of being all alone. This line reminds me that I am never alone and that the feelings of being all alone are simply a call to pray.

Here's us during the early years of singlemommyhood:

Spring Colored Glasses

When I look outside at the melting snow, the mud, the brownish green grass, and the many things I never picked up before the snow fell, my heart skips in joy. The knowing that spring is arriving makes my soul sing, and my step lighter.

As I was admiring the many sprigs of green in my garden and noticing just how much snow had melted since yesterday, I had an AH HA moment.

                 To the naked eye, all of this dirty snow, murky grass and mud is actually quite ugly.

                         It is beautiful because I know that soon it will burst into gorgeous colors.

If I can have that much trust in my landscape and my perennials why can't I have that much trust in my own life?  What if  my inner landscape of  muddy, dull, 'forgot to take care of '  were signs of spring too?  What if I didn't put those things on any kind of a timetable but simply helped the process with the absolute knowing that something beautiful would follow?

                     Even better what if we all saw ourselves through the lens of 'spring is coming' ?

Blessings,
Virginia

Kahill Gibran's Words On Children

I have been thinking of and praying for each of my children more often than normal. Nothing is wrong. They are all healthy. Yet, they are teenagers and each one is in a space of tremendous growth. My role as parent feels vague. I listen. I love. I pray. I try my best not to worry. I get frustrated and snarky. I try to keep my sense of humor and I love more.

This morning I pulled out The Prophet, by Kahill Gibran and reread for the millionth time his words on children. The last four stanzas spoke deeply to me:

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent fourth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Monday's Course in Miracles

My daily spiritual practice includes reading The Course in Miracles, writing, meditating and praying. Each Monday I share the day's lesson from The Course.

Today I seek and find all that I want.. ACIM.

I kept that thought in mind as I headed out to walk my puppy.  Yes it was sleeting.  Yes I had to wear my winter walking gear. Yes winter in spring is getting tiring.

Yet I found all that I wanted:

     

SPRING IS COMING!

Monday's Course In Miracles

 My daily spiritual practice consists of reading from the Course in Miracles, writing and meditating. Each Monday I share the daily lesson from the Course.

 After my mornings meditation I received some sad news. An amazing, inspiring, full of life woman that I had the honor to know passed away yesterday. She was such an inspiration to the world with an ' F you cancer, I am still alive' attitude. News of her death derailed me.

My default button kicked in. That button signals: "Do anything but feel the real feeling."

So I moved into frantic picking up, putting away, walking the dog, and sloppy exercise. Attempt number one to begin writing failed.  So I organized files, made a few phone calls and tried writing again. I failed again.

Learning that this amazing woman has left this world is extremely sad. I can do sad.  The fact that cancer even exists is maddening. I can do angry.

 Many people I have loved, up close and from afar,  have left this world. I have felt crippling sadness and anger. Yet sadness and anger are the easy ones. Those are the ones we can so readily talk about and act upon and the world understands. What the world doesn't want to hear and what I hate to admit is that

Death makes me feel vulnerable and scared.

It makes me ask, " What is the point?"

It makes me fearful of my children's every movement.

It makes this whole impermanence in life scare the bejeesus out of me.

 I didn't want to post today's lesson in The Course with  fright hanging out in my heart.

So I went back and opened the book randomly.

I do not believe in coincidence.

I DO believe in Miracles.

Here are the words I was gifted with:

I Rest in God....this thought will carry you through storms and strife, past misery and pain, past loss and death and onward to the certainty of God.  ACIM

With my vulnerability, my fear, my anger and my sorrow I can rest in God. HE is permanent.

Ann Murray Paige's message of love, hope,joy,and  F you cancer is permanent too. Love never dies.

Blessings

To Dos Day

I went to bed Sunday night with a long list of things I HAD to do for Monday. Sometimes writing it all down the night before deters the occasional 3 a.m visitor that startles me awake for no apparent reason with a running list of everything I need to get done that day. It is not a welcome visitor as it rarely allows me to go back to sleep.

For whatever reason (the moon, the planets, the dog snoring), writing that list didn't keep the 3a.m. jolt awake visitor at bay. So I embraced it,  made tea and did some writing then dozed off on the couch until my children's alarms went off.

 I was dragging through the day with a running mind script like,"You should be getting more done. You shouldn't feel so tired. So what if your head hurts. You need to get this stuff done."

Jackson came into my office and plopped a tennis ball  at my feet. Happy for the distraction, we played some fetch and then we laid on the couch.  In the peacefulness of rubbing his belly, I got to thinking about my to do list and how I allowed that silly pile of words to enslave me rather than serve me.

I ended up taking a nap with my beloved pup.

To Do lists, while useful tools, can easily become another sneaky way to be mean to ourselves.

Last night when I wrote my To Do list, number one in capital letters read:

Be kind to Virginia

Mondays Course in Miracles

My daily spiritual practice includes reading A Course in Miracles and meditating on the days lesson. Each Monday I share a meaningful quote from my daily reading.

Try not to shape this day as you believe would benefit you most. For you cannot conceive of all of the happiness that comes to you without your planning. ACIM

That quote has made my 'over planned' Monday so much more peaceful. I even took some quiet moments thinking of this:

Blessings,
Virginia

Being Brave

I posted this beautiful quote/picture by Maryann Radmacher on my facebook page today. I have been thinking of its significance all day. In my quest to be brave this year, I have

 overlooked the daily acts of bravery. I have succeeded in being courageously honest with my feelings. I have taken some risks but I have spent many hours berating myself for not roaring enough.

This quote reminds me as I hope it reminds you, that real courage is in the simple act of showing up for yet another day or another moment as who we are. So I will keep trying in this moment and the next. I invite you to do the same.

Blessings

Mondays Course of Miracles

My daily spiritual practice includes reading the Course of Miracles, and writing and meditating on the day's lesson. Each Monday I share the lesson of the day.

To give and to receive are one in truth. I will receive what I am giving now. ACIM

The lesson calls us to offer peace to everyone in the quiet of our minds throughout the day. As we offer that peace to others it naturally returns us.

 I offer you peace and comfort and joy.

Let It BE

I have been wrestling with a decision. I tend to look at all sides of a situation before I make an assessment. It is a wonderful trait. However like all wonderful traits, it is a double edged sword. All of my thinking, worrying and obsessing got me at the wrong edge of the sword. Suddenly this decision became the focal point of my brain. During my morning exercise I heard this song, by The Beatles:

There will be an answer Let it Be.

Let It Be means stepping away from this decision and trusting that my answer will come in the perfect time. 

Let It Be reminds me that nothing productive or wise EVER comes from a place of worry.

"Mother Mary comes to me speaking words of wisdom" sounds like advice from my mom.

So for now, I am leaving this decision on the shelf and when my monkey mind brings it up, I'm going to sing LOUD with The Beatles.

Let it be. Let it be.

In times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me singing words of wisdom

Let it Be.

There will be an answer let it be.

Amen.

Monday's Course of Miracles

My daily spiritual practice includes reading The Course of Miracles, meditating and writing in my journal. Each Monday I share the day's lesson from The Course of Miracles.


          I will step back and let Him lead the way. ACIM


I truly needed to read and reflect on these words today. In my often chaotic 'single mom with three teenagers and a puppy' life I forget that I am never running the show alone. I have a story  in my monkey mind  telling me I am in this journey solo, but when I get quiet and breathe, I remember.  God is guiding me along. I just have to step back and let Him.

Loving What Is

I am hanging out with a virus. Fever, chills, aches, congestion and a cough have visited. At the first sign I gave a great big F you and carried on with my activities. At the second sign, I took a couple of advil, upped my vitamin C and carried on.  Finally there was no more denying it but I still cursed, worried about my to do list, and fought.

As Katie Byron says, " You can argue with what is. You will be wrong 100% of the time but you can still argue."

Somewhere in the midst of a feverish night, I just stopped fighting it. I relaxed in the pain of it all.

I remembered being a little girl with horrible headaches. I used to look at my headaches  from afar, and I would color those headaches in my favorite colors of pinks and yellows. Sleep always came.

I brought that smart little girl back into this fifty year old woman's mind and  colored my aches, my congestion and my cough. Sleep came.

Today I made all of the phone calls necessary to relieve me of anything other than rest for a (gulp) COUPLE of days.

The world didn't end.

I am feeling a tad better.

I am going to go back to bed.

Guessing tomorrow will look a bit like this:

I won't fight that either.

My kids can shovel the driveway.

Loving what is.

Blessings,
Virginia

Time

When I was a mom with little ones I was always taken aback with comments like,"These are the best years of your life,"  "Enjoy them while they are little," or the all too famous, "Ha! Just wait until they become teenagers."

I vowed to never be like that when my children grew up, which at the time, seemed like an eternity away. I vowed to enjoy my children forever, even as teenagers and to never wish for days gone by.  For the most part I have.

But lately as I round the corner into the kitchen, I sometimes stop in my tracks and stare in awe.

I simply cannot wrap my head around the passing of time. I sometimes close my eyes and recall memories of the 18 years between those two pictures. I have even shed a tear or two.

                                                                         Time

Monday's Course of Miracles

My daily spiritual practice includes reading from the Course of Miracles, meditating on the day's lesson and writing in my journal. Every Monday I share the day's lesson.


               Let me NOT see myself as limited. ACIM


It is so easy to get caught up in scarcity thinking without even knowing it. After I read today's lesson, I realized my day began with scarcity thinking.

My first thought of the day," I didn't get enough sleep."

We are constantly bombarded with messages of not 'enoughness'.

Not enough money. Not enough time. Not enough weight loss or weight gain. Not enough toys.

Today's lesson erases the not enoughness. The scarcity thoughts are simply the basic fear of not being enough. But you are enough and I am enough wherever we are in this very moment.

                                                  Let me NOT see myself as limited

Fridays Feng Shui

Since the start of the year, I have been clearing out stuff. I can already really feel a shift in my energy and the excitement of something new coming in. When I get like this I want to go on a rampage through the house. I have tried that before and it NEVER works. I end up making more of a mess than I started with and I get bored with the project. So I am giving myself fifteen minutes a day. I even set the timer.

As I sort through the stuff I ask myself these questions:

1. Do I love it?

2. Do I absolutely need it?

3. How does it make me feel?

4. Do I have another one?

5. If it is broken, when will I  to fix it?

6. Is there someone in my life who would treasure it?

The process goes fairly quickly and when the buzzer goes off, I take my no longer loved things to the garage for next week's dump run.

             It feels so wonderful to only have my most treasured possessions on display  and to have space to display new treasures like this picture I took the other day.

.

Friday's Feng Shui

I utilize many aspects of Feng Shui in my coaching practice as I know from experience that our surroundings have a direct correlation with what is happening in our lives. The most important principle of Feng Shui is clearing out clutter. However, clutter never really goes away, especially when you are raising children. I am okay with a creative mess due to projects and homework and busy teenage life but when it gets out of control I feel like a mess.

To keep my sanity in the midst of the chaos, everyday I do these three things. First, I keep the kitchen counters clean.  I am actually embarrassed to admit to how much happiness a clean kitchen brings me. Secondly,  I make my bed every single day and I  keep my bedroom pristinely clean. I am a single mom of three teenagers, my bedroom is my haven. Thirdly I really try hard to make my children responsible for picking up their own stuff.

Okay number three is a work in process.  However, I am much kinder about their messes when the counters are clear and I can escape to a beautifully clean bedroom.

Mondays Course of Miracles

Let me recognize my problems have been solved. ACIM

I love todays lesson. It reminds me of the countless times a solution to my perceived problems arrived once I stopped fretting over them. It is a lesson I seem to have to learn and relearn time and again. Nothing useful ever comes from a place of worry and angst. Creative solutions and ideas are born from a place of peace and joy.


Blessings,
Virginia

A word for 2014

As I was setting my intentions for 2014, I decided to look back to my intentions for 2013. It struck me that they were quite similar and I imagine they were quite similar in 2012 and 2011.

I know it doesn't take a genius to realize that most New Year's resolutions rarely come into fruition yet I wanted a guiding light entering into 2014. I wanted something to lean into for all of 2014.

Then I found this http://thedailylove.com/love-2014/ by Robert Holden, one of my favorite authors. I didn't need an entire laundry list of things I wanted to accomplish in 2014. I only needed a word.

I looked at my intentions from years gone by that kept repeating and my word for 2014 became crystal clear. 2014 is about me being BRAVE.

In the words of Brene Brown, "Courage starts when we show up and let ourselves be seen."

Hello 2014

Hello BRAVE

Mondays Course Of Miracles

The Christ in you is very still. He knows where you are going and He leads you there in gentleness and blessing all the way. ACIM

The kids are back at school. It is a new year. Life is resuming a new normal and there is so much to be done. This line from A Course of Miracles soothed me. We are never alone.

Blessings,