Single Mom Thriving. Family Rituals

When I first got divorced I worried enormously about the emotional toll on my children. More than anything, I wanted us to still feel like a family.  One way I did that was creating rituals.

Some we have out grown.  Some still remain. My favorites just evolved.

*Readjusting after a period with their Dad was often difficult. So I made the coming home a ritual. There would be a family hug, cereal for dinner and a movie. It was something they could absolutely count as it was always the same. It served as an anchor for them.

*We have family dinners each and every night. With varying sports schedules ,often times these meals were in the van at the beach.  Now we vary the family meal to when ever we were all together. It takes planning. However whether breakfast, lunch, snack time or dinner, we aim to gather each and everyday as a family.

*We light candles at dinner time. At the end of the meal we blow them out and make a wish.

*After dinner we all work together to clean up the kitchen, pick up debris from the day and switch the laundry. When they were small once it was all done, we would go outside and play.

*I don't remember consciously planning this ritual, yet it is my favorite. Every time we come in or go out the door, there's a hug and an I love you.

 *My other new favorite that just evolved is our goof Christmas pictures.  2015:

As single moms we really want to give our children the security and love that come from being in a family.  Just because your family doesn't look like the Hallmark version, doesn't mean you are any less of a family. In fact it might just mean you are a stronger family.

Blessings,
Virginia

Longing To Go Home

When my mom was in the late stage of Altzheimers she often asked to go home. Home, was her childhood home. She wanted to go back to Cambridge, Massachusetts where she was born and lived until she went to nursing school and again until she married my father.

While it  is a common occurrence in Altzheimer's patients, as her daughter who so desperately wanted her back, it always saddened me. I wanted her home of longing to be the one she created for me.

On another level though, I totally understood.

The ache of home lives in all of us. Places become a part of who are. Maya Angelou

I just finished reading Returning Home by Jerry Burger. In the book, Burger explains the psychology around revisiting childhood homes and shares respondents' experiences of such visits. It is a fascinating read.

Wanting to revisit childhood homes is quite common.

Lately I have been reminiscing about my childhood years. Maybe it is that my siblings and I are getting older and part of our conversations lately always seem to be connected to when we were young.

I want to revisit the places I have lived.

My family moved five times in my first 18 years. Yet there are only three homes that I long to visit; the houses I lived in between the ages of 5-12.  Burger explains this phenomenon in child development theory. We form our identity between the ages of five and twelve.

My longing to go back and see places I haven't laid eyes on in over forty years is about connecting to the past and perhaps remembering that little me is still a part of older me.

Never being a very patient soul and not being able to take a road trip in the next day or so, I used Google.

I  spent hours on google maps on a trip down memory lane.  I knew one of the homes has been torn down but I zoomed into the landscape.  I remembered myself doing cartwheel after cartwheel down the hill in the enormous front yard and then collapsing as the world spun. The other two houses equally enamored me as I remembered the little girl in me.

It was a fun trip on the internet but I plan on getting there soon and maybe even trying a few cartwheels.

Have you ever longed to go home?

Me in the front yard of the house that no longer stands!